My relationship with Martha

Martha and I, we have an interesting relationship. In the kitchen we fight like sisters, I am quick to drop my towel and find a seat next to Mary when Jesus is visiting. But when we are waiting for him to come, and he hasn't shown up yet, and he is FOUR DAYS LATE,  I'm the one keeping pace with Martha. We don't wait until we see him coming from the house, we are running, running to get him, to bring him, to pull him, to make him come faster. What is taking so long? Before he has even reached our village we meet up with him, and the words that have been simmering and evaporating all this way, pour out thick with condensed emotion. IF YOU HAD.....THEN. Because I had faith in you. I really did. I knew you were the one who could do it. I was waiting for you. "He is the one who COULD satisfy our emptiness; and He does not do as we demand"* That leaves me with un-christian thoughts toward God. But we do not like to express those. So Martha and I,  we settle with a safe "christian" conclusion to our heart's cry, "but even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” I can't speak for Martha, but when I say it, the words just kind of spill out fast to cover up the fact that I just told him I was disappointed in his performance. I mean, I still do believe in you Jesus, and I'm sure you'll do some great things (even though you wouldn't do the one thing I needed you to do)." Knowing our hearts and reading our minds he cuts through (and maybe cuts off) our words with his,"Your brother will rise again."  Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” I say things like "I know, all things work together for good. I know, you have plans to prosper me and not to harm me." Martha and I are good at "sword drills". We quote God back at God to tell him how much we know. But Jesus sees through it. He said to some others much like us "You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life. But the Scriptures point to me!"* He can see the way we use scripture as a band-aid on our wounds. He knows that what we really need is not covering, but healing. So he says, “I am the resurrection and the life." And then he asks us if we believe him. Who, me? Are you talking to me? I am the Sunday School kid, the Deacon's daughter, the Missionary. Martha nods, "I have always believed", and then she turns to go find Mary. But I stand here wondering. He didn't ask if I believed in the resurrection, he asked if I believed that HE was the resurrection and the life. He asked if I would look even death in the face and say that it was nothing compared to him, that it was powerless to defeat me, because I am gazing on his face. My thoughts are interrupted by the rush of skirts and sandals flying past me and a woman collapsing in front of Jesus. This is a familiar pose for them, Mary kneeling over his feet, sobbing. Jesus resting his hands on the head of this woman who loves with abandon.

 I hear the words she speaks to him and I am amazed. They are my words. They are Martha's words. IF YOU HAD.... THEN. She has the same pain, the same wound, but she is at his feet. And she is looking up at him for healing. What happens next is the shortest verse in the Bible (Martha and I would know that), but somehow it contains the immensity of the emotion of God. And for every Sunday School kid who memorized it because it was the fastest way to earn points, Jesus wept. For every pharisee who searched the scriptures trying to grasp eternal life, Jesus wept. For every Martha and Kathryn who quote God back at God, Jesus wept. For every death, and every dead faith, Jesus wept. And then he "The Life" changed the unchangeable. He brought Martha and Mary's brother back from the dead and turned all our accusations of him upside down. How could we be angry that he was late if time didn't matter when he arrived? In another story someone says “Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead myself. Is everything sad going to come untrue? What's happened to the world?" A great Shadow has departed," said Gandalf."*
 I have seen great shadows depart and my world change as I encounter this one who is "The Life". There is still sadness, and loss, and disappointment here. But when I weep at his feet instead of throwing scripture in his face, I see Jesus weep with me. And then he pulls me up to go tell Martha that today IS resurrection day, because THE resurrection himself is coming home with me. Rocks are gonna roll.

*quotations from "The Cry of the Soul" by Dan B. Allender and "Return of the King" by Tolkien Pin It