My relationship with Martha

Martha and I, we have an interesting relationship. In the kitchen we fight like sisters, I am quick to drop my towel and find a seat next to Mary when Jesus is visiting. But when we are waiting for him to come, and he hasn't shown up yet, and he is FOUR DAYS LATE,  I'm the one keeping pace with Martha. We don't wait until we see him coming from the house, we are running, running to get him, to bring him, to pull him, to make him come faster. What is taking so long? Before he has even reached our village we meet up with him, and the words that have been simmering and evaporating all this way, pour out thick with condensed emotion. IF YOU HAD.....THEN. Because I had faith in you. I really did. I knew you were the one who could do it. I was waiting for you. "He is the one who COULD satisfy our emptiness; and He does not do as we demand"* That leaves me with un-christian thoughts toward God. But we do not like to express those. So Martha and I,  we settle with a safe "christian" conclusion to our heart's cry, "but even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” I can't speak for Martha, but when I say it, the words just kind of spill out fast to cover up the fact that I just told him I was disappointed in his performance. I mean, I still do believe in you Jesus, and I'm sure you'll do some great things (even though you wouldn't do the one thing I needed you to do)." Knowing our hearts and reading our minds he cuts through (and maybe cuts off) our words with his,"Your brother will rise again."  Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” I say things like "I know, all things work together for good. I know, you have plans to prosper me and not to harm me." Martha and I are good at "sword drills". We quote God back at God to tell him how much we know. But Jesus sees through it. He said to some others much like us "You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life. But the Scriptures point to me!"* He can see the way we use scripture as a band-aid on our wounds. He knows that what we really need is not covering, but healing. So he says, “I am the resurrection and the life." And then he asks us if we believe him. Who, me? Are you talking to me? I am the Sunday School kid, the Deacon's daughter, the Missionary. Martha nods, "I have always believed", and then she turns to go find Mary. But I stand here wondering. He didn't ask if I believed in the resurrection, he asked if I believed that HE was the resurrection and the life. He asked if I would look even death in the face and say that it was nothing compared to him, that it was powerless to defeat me, because I am gazing on his face. My thoughts are interrupted by the rush of skirts and sandals flying past me and a woman collapsing in front of Jesus. This is a familiar pose for them, Mary kneeling over his feet, sobbing. Jesus resting his hands on the head of this woman who loves with abandon.

 I hear the words she speaks to him and I am amazed. They are my words. They are Martha's words. IF YOU HAD.... THEN. She has the same pain, the same wound, but she is at his feet. And she is looking up at him for healing. What happens next is the shortest verse in the Bible (Martha and I would know that), but somehow it contains the immensity of the emotion of God. And for every Sunday School kid who memorized it because it was the fastest way to earn points, Jesus wept. For every pharisee who searched the scriptures trying to grasp eternal life, Jesus wept. For every Martha and Kathryn who quote God back at God, Jesus wept. For every death, and every dead faith, Jesus wept. And then he "The Life" changed the unchangeable. He brought Martha and Mary's brother back from the dead and turned all our accusations of him upside down. How could we be angry that he was late if time didn't matter when he arrived? In another story someone says “Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead myself. Is everything sad going to come untrue? What's happened to the world?" A great Shadow has departed," said Gandalf."*
 I have seen great shadows depart and my world change as I encounter this one who is "The Life". There is still sadness, and loss, and disappointment here. But when I weep at his feet instead of throwing scripture in his face, I see Jesus weep with me. And then he pulls me up to go tell Martha that today IS resurrection day, because THE resurrection himself is coming home with me. Rocks are gonna roll.

*quotations from "The Cry of the Soul" by Dan B. Allender and "Return of the King" by Tolkien Pin It

Homemade Natural Fruit Chillers or Freeze Pops

   My kids love "freeze pops". You know, the ones in the plastic that are basically an IV drip of sugar into their bodies. I haven't bought them for years, but the other day we were on our way home from town in our van without A/C and the kids were just dying. I stopped at the gas station, poured water on their heads :), and bought them freeze pops! It got us home in one piece. 
   At the grocery store I saw the Del Monte Fruit Chillers in the canned fruit section. It's a base of pear with added sugar, flavors, pectin, and colors. A more healthy option but I thought I could do better. Especially since the canned fruit in 100% juice next to it is only $1. I grabbed some to see what I could come up with. 

First, I had to figure out how to package them. The magic is in the package with freeze pops. I just got a vacuum sealer at a yard sale, so I tried to use the vacuum sealer plastic to make some little plastic tubes. It worked, but since I know that plastic is expensive, I came up with another idea while I was working. Ziplock bags! I used cheap sandwich bags and sealed them into three separate tubes with the sealer. This worked great because the tops zip up to seal it when they're filled. Here's what I made!

Fruit Chillers

2 cans fruit cocktail or pears in 100% juice

A handful of strawberries

3 tsp Pomona's Universal Pectin, and 4 tsp calcium (included in package) water

Sugar to taste (I probably used 3 Tbsp.)

Puree fruit and sugar in food processor. Prepare the pectin with 3/4 cup boiling water and the calcium water (as per package instructions for freezer jam) it's very simple, really! The pectin makes the right texture for the frozen fruit, soft and not too icy. Pour the pectin mixture into the fruit and blend. Using a funnel, pour the fruit into the plastic bags and seal. Freeze several hours and enjoy! 

 

I offered my 4yo nephew a popsicle, and he said "I want a red one". I answered "Well, they're kind of red." Then he asked me where the stick was. After he slurped it down, he did NOT ask me where the extra sugar and fake colors were! All the kids loved their fruit chillers, and they got a good snack while getting cooled off. 

"When can I have one, Mom?"

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What are all these empty jars?

Welcome to my new blog. I felt it was time to start anew and I wanted to share with you what God has been speaking into my heart that has brought this particular blog to life. It comes from a story in 2 Kings 4:1-7

"The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, "Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the LORD. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves." Elisha replied to her, "How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?" "Your servant has nothing there at all," she said, "except a little oil." Elisha said, "Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don't ask for just a few. Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side. She left him and afterward shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. When all the jars were full, she said to her son, "Bring me another one." But he replied, "There is not a jar left." Then the oil stopped flowing. She went and told the man of God, and he said, "Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left."

This woman was facing a hopeless future. When Elisha asked her what she had she said "nothing at all". It turns out that she did have a little oil, but I think it's significant that her first response is one of total insufficiency. She has lost her husband, cannot provide for her family, and is going to lose her sons. Whatever else she might have is meaningless to her. She needs a miracle. But before the miracle she is asked to step out in faith, to go to her neighbors and ask for something in preparation for what she must believe would happen.

She was to ask for "not a few" empty vessels to receive this heavenly provision. Did she feel like Noah warning of a flood in a land with no rain? Did they laugh at her, knowing her poverty, when she had to explain that she needed to borrow some empty jars? How many neighbors did she have to ask, how far did she have to go, did she want to quit when her arms were full of this "emptiness" but instead did she go back for more?

The miracle was one that took place in her home in front of her children. They participated in it, gathering jars and bringing them to her, acting in faith, reacting to her faith. It was their lives at stake and they had to believe God together...He was their only hope.

She lifted the little jar of oil that she had and felt it's lightness, its not-enough-ness, as she began to pour it out. She continued to feel that lack of weight as she poured, but it never seemed to change. The oil was flowing in proportion to how many jars she had collected. As she finished one, the boys brought her another. She had to continue to pour, she dare not stop, dare not look to see how much was left, just pour it all out and let all these empty jars be filled.

When the last jar was brought and filled, the oil stopped flowing, and there was enough to meet the needs of her family and to provide for their future. More than enough.

I have been feeling like I have a lot of empty jars in my life. So many places where I am so insufficient. I have FOUR daughters. I come from a family twice this size, so the number doesn't scare me, but oh the needs they have make me feel like there is 20. The crying and yelling and screaming (sometimes of the four of them at once) turns on some kind of chemical sprinkler system in my brain, and in 15 minutes all my emotional resources for the day are drained out of me. That's when I start to sound like this widow, "...I have nothing at all."

It's not that I don't ask God for help. I know that with the answered prayers for these children (that at times we didn't know if we would be able to have) a life lived by faith is required. God hasn't given me all of this because He thought I could handle it, He wants me to come to Him for everything I need. But it seems like I've been asking for help and not really getting it. I have felt like I am knocking around all these empty jars, trying to get through one more day, hoping nothing else goes wrong. Do I have too many jars?

That's where I was when this story found me. I opened my Bible to look for a verse to pray for someone else and there it was. It was mine. I pulled out of it both new hope and further questions. This concept of "not a few" meant that the breadth of my insufficiency was not a problem but an opportunity. It was good for me to have so many places where I could see I needed this "oil". And what was it? Other places in scripture show oil as representing the Holy Spirit. Another writer I stumbled across spoke of the jars in this story as our "Grace Capacity":

"God’s supply of oil is infinite. What was poured out was only limited by the number and capacity of the containers. And so the widow was told to bring “not a few.” When the limited capacity of the containers was reached, the flow of oil stopped. Makes me wonder just how much fine wine Jesus would have made if he had more than those six stone jars (oh that there had been seven!)."

I'm not looking at these empty jars as a problem anymore. In fact, I am asking for more. Not more children (for heaven's sake!) but more awareness of all the places in my life where I need Him. I am coming to you as my "neighbors" saying, "I know I don't have it all together, but I believe that God wants to give me more of Himself and that what I really need is not HELP but HIM." I want to speak this prayer for more Grace in front of you and in front of my children and act on my faith by pouring this Grace out in all aspects of my life.

I will probably write about a very broad range of topics on this blog. I like to write and share all kinds of things, and hope to keep tabs on family stuff here too. They are all places for Grace. I believe that spirituality is not separate from the details of daily life, but that these vessels of earth, jars of clay, are created and blessed to be where God meets us...and where He fills us.

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A year in review..Happy New Year!

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Thanksgiving Smilebox!

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Breathing “Thanks.”

I’m sitting here on Thanksgiving night, with a big mug of tea and a full heart. We had a wonderful day with family, but there is one thing that has been on my mind more than anything else when I think about what I am thankful for. It’s how far we’ve come from the daily agony of having a child with mental illness.

I watched a documentary about a boy with autism the other night and remembered all too vividly those long inconsolable meltdowns. The hopelessness of facing another day, another week, another year, with the same issues. The isolation from the world of normal family life, the separation from your child by illness that has stolen them away, wondering what the future holds for them, for you. Not daring to hope, but needing to hope enough to try the next treatment, the next therapy. Living in survival mode and when there was a lull in the symptoms only being able to try to catch up and take a breath.

I have been breathing for awhile now. She has been stable for many months. I don’t even remember since when. It wasn’t sudden or dramatic or the result of one particular thing. It has just been all of the right things coming together, in a way that only God can take credit for.

This past week she made the honor roll at school. She is figuring out her social world and building relationships with her peers. She takes personal responsibility for her homework and her time. And I most proud of how she helped me chop vegetables for our thanksgiving cooking this week. She worked WITH me. It sounds like such a simple thing but it’s one of those that I naturally expected my little girl to do with me, and I have had to set aside so many of those dreams.

I used to not even dare to think that maybe the stability would last. But it has. The right combination of 4 different medications, weekly therapy with the same therapist for 6 years, and sending her to school. But mostly just waiting. Living the life God gave us to live, with the child he gave us, one day at a time. Sometimes just barely surviving those days. Relying on the prayers of the people who loved and cared for us, when I didn’t pray myself. It was a LONG eight or so years and I’m sure there will be some very tough times ahead. But I’m taking a breath now to say, she’s stable, thank you God, she’s stable.

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The Non-candy store

I don’t want my kids to miss out on the fun of getting a big bag of candy on October 31st. But I don’t want all of that candy to become part of their bodies and brains either.

^{Beatrix discovered the wonders of candy last year.}

^{And knows what she’s after this year.}

^{But how do you get those darn tootsie rolls open?!}

Maybe you just eat the paper…. hey Mom!

I guess pretzels are good too.

Acadia and Lily are not happy with only eating the pretzels. So we’ve come up with a happy solution all around…

The non-candy store.

In this store the goods are good for you and the candy is the cash!

Here’s last year’s store:

^{Strawberries, pistachios, spritzer, toys, games and art supplies}

And here’s this year’s store:

^{Organic fruit sour gummy worms and bears, peanut and almond butter squeeze packs, sparkling cider, art and school supplies, socks, hair things, cups, and the coolest thing: window climbing ninjas.}

They still had some candy left after buying all the stuff I had, (my prices weren’t high enough!) so they portioned out the rest for the next few days. But this is all the stuff I kept OUT of their tummies and off their teeth:

I know there’s other creative methods of cutting back on candy. What are your ideas?

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